So, you and your lover have conquered every other domain of your house: the bedroom, the living room, the rec room, the laundry room, the kitchen table, the kitchen counter tops. Now what? Or rather, where?

Well, one of the most likely places to find her in the buff and half way ready is the bathroom. You can keep your lovemaking fun and playful by leading her into the bathroom, or you can surprise her by jumping into the shower to help her with the cleansing experience. Either way, you better make sure the tub is scrubbed; nothing can turn a woman off faster than soap rings and mildew. While you’re at it you might as well clean the entire bathroom. Point to note: Women are turned on by a man who cleans.

Now, we are not talking about Roman orgy-sized baths, neither are we talking about Jacuzzi water sports. For practical purposes, I have limited this list to water sports in the conventional, bathtub/shower combination found in most homes and apartments.

As with most sports, there are safety issues. With water sports in the shower the key issues are footing and lube.

1- The Leg Lift

This position allows for the couple to face each other. She leans her back against the wall while you hold her knee in the crook of your elbow. Depending on height, as I’m sure you’re taller than you’re partner, initial penetration may be an issue. At first, you should bend at the knees to gain access. Also, if you both want to enjoy the falling water it is best for the female to lean against the wall with the shower head.

2- Standing Doggy

In this position, the female bends over and clutches the rim of the tub. Her knees should be slightly bent to maintain balance and to absorb some shock. You should hold on to her hips, and occasionally caress her body (along her spine, her abs, her breasts). Again, if you both want to enjoy the water, the female should be facing the faucets. This allows the water to fall on the small of her back and hit your lower torso. The steady stream of water on your jewels will be amazing.

3- Standing Doggy (Alternate)

In this position, she stands facing a wall with her arms raised and pressed against it. Her lower back will have to be arched, thrusting her butt towards you. You can get up close and hold her hands against the wall or you can hold her hips. If you decide to hold her hips, balance becomes your responsibility and you might want to place a foot on the edge of the tub.

4- Oral Obsession

Since you’re both clean and fresh, why not take advantage of it and please each other orally. Either one of you could drop to your knees to please the other, but unlike dry land, you can’t put a pillow under your knees to make the experience more comfortable. I suggest the person receiving stand on the edge of the tub, holding onto the shower rod with one hand and the wall with the other for balance. The person giving may have to bend slightly, but at least they aren’t on their knees. This technique also lends itself to an incredible amount of access to the lower regions. Two points of caution: don’t fall and don’t drown.

5- Moving Mountains

The shower definitely lends itself to the opportunity; hopefully your girl is up and down for it too. You have plenty of water and plenty of soapy lube, so go for it. After her breasts and your member are all lathered you’re pretty much set. You might have to try a couple of different positions to decide which you like best. She can go down low, providing a steady place for you or you can go up high, standing on the edge of the tub once again. The advantage of being up high is that she can provide a little more movement and it is more comfortable for all.

In the case that you don’t know: with the palms of her hands placed on the external portion of her breasts, she pushes towards the middle of her chest; with her fingers she lays a bridge across the crevice, which will keep your member contained below.

6- The Prologue

I realize that the previous has been suggested under the assumption that you’re getting some. However, you might have to work to get there. This does not mean that we abandon the bathroom, though we may have to plan an ambush to get her in a more willing mood.

While she’s out, clean the toilet. Now place plenty of scented candles around the bathroom: on the closed toilet, on the sink, on the shelves, on the rim of the tub, everywhere, giving the bathroom a nice romantic glow. Draw a hot bath and add some nice bath oils once it’s filled. Next -- and no, it’s not a waste -- scatter some rose petals into the bath and let some fall to the floor as well. I would stay away from incense. There will be enough aromas from the candles and oils and there is no need to pollute the air with smoke.

When she arrives from her stressful day, invite her to join you in this sanctuary. I’m sure she’ll accept and reward you for you efforts.

7- Manual Manipulation

“What you talkin’ bout masturbation? I ain’t doin’ that.” Yeah, yeah, yeah. She likes it. She likes seeing you masturbate. It turns her on. So get over yourself and enjoy it.

You can do it solo (each of you enjoying the sight of your partner getting off) or you can do one another.

There is a lot you can do in this department, but I would highly recommend an investment in a detachable massage showerhead. Lube up her butt cleavage, stand behind her and place your package in that cleavage. Use one of your hands to caress her breasts and with the other, aim the showerhead at her clitoris. Let her fingers do their magic.

8- Backdoor Fun

I had a friend in high school who was worried that if he desired anal sex (with a woman) it somehow meant he had homosexual tendencies. I don’t, and never did, see the connection.

Again, the shower, with all its cleansing power, lends itself to the possibility of anal adventures actually happening. If you’ve ever encountered the excuse, “I don’t feel clean enough,” or “I haven’t prepared for this,” then the shower has become your new best friend. Of course, no matter how you propose this, the decision is all hers. Just try to present it as a fun thing and don’t appear too desperate or you might run the risk of getting nothing at all.

I recommend, obviously, one of the standing doggy styles.

9- Take A Break On The Edge

We all love it when she takes control of the movement. I suggest that you take a seat on the edge of the tub and let her lower herself onto you, with her back to you. You’ll have to hold the edge of the tub for balance (you can’t hold her or you will interrupt her movement). She will have to support herself on your knees with her hands and she will have to use her arms and legs to move herself up and down.

10- Monkey Business

As members of the primate species, we might as well partake in the grooming ritual. Of course, it is more fun for us humans. It’s time to break out the razor and shaving gel. I hope you trust each other well enough to do this, as it is very intimate and fun. Plus, it makes oral sex that much more pleasurable.

Slippery When Wet
Hopefully these lessons help you in perfecting your skills in water sports. As I mentioned earlier, there are precautions. Water tends to dry up natural lubrication, so be sure that you are prepared with some lubes from the shop. Also, footing is an issue. You need footing to properly give thrust, so you might want to invest in those adhesive grips for the bottom of the tub.

Be safe and have fun.